New Years Eve and all of the holidays for 2018 are now behind us! There is no escaping some emotional baggage, even on holidays, for me and for most of us. Good, bad they are there, memories, hanging in the back of our brain like that cute little black dress we swore to ourselves 5 New Year Eve’s ago that we would fit into next year. This wasn’t the year for that dress yet…. those memories still will be there, untouched and unresolved.
My past NYE memories and holidays actually, were not filled with warmth, love and happiness. There were no “Leave it to Beaver” moments as I mistakenly thought there should be. I now know how many years I have pretended to be happy, or to do what others do (go out and celebrate) fake it till you make it right? WRONG! I never really got the point of dressing up, and spending the last minutes screaming HAPPY NEW YEAR. Another year passed, more weight on my waistline, more stress, where did the REAL FUN GO? Did I ever have real fun? I did and they were good times on New Years many years ago, maybe? Would I want them back? HELL NO!!! I don’t want any of the past back….just good, experiences and memories and lessons for me to learn by. The good memories I hold on to the bad I discard to make room for more AMAZING memories.
Tonight I am enjoying the comforts of a snow storm outside, my pups snoring contently besides me, settling in after making yet another FOOD CREATION for dinner and of COURSE FOODPORN photo shoots.
This is something that has turned in to ritual for me. I know, odd but its me and its AUTHENTIC. Food Porn as I like to call pretty and satisfying food, makes me HAPPY! I love preparing, creating and displaying my food for myself. I pride myself on presentation and THIS YEAR, I am not drinking alcohol. I am not eating sugary goodies that never felt good after I ate them, and I am not in a bar drinking way too much, why….to celebrate! Celebrate What?
New Years Eve is a time for reflection. To have HOPE for the NEW YEAR, and wonder, what abundance will come my way (money, relationships, career wise, personal growth, family…) Resolutions are to set the goals and try to keep them. Even if just for a day after you set them, they are goals. For some reason I never got that really either. It always seemed fake, and INAUTHENTIC why set goals and then break them? Are they to make you feel better but ultimately, when you fail, don’t you feel worse? I DID!
Over the last couple years after what I term as my divine storm,Katrina Toucke, my divine storm 3 marriages and endless amounts of “lessons from the previous life”, I went on to discover more LESSONS but these were more about self growth, development and self love for me. What did I use as coping mechanisms to get me through life in my past? They were coping mechanisms, I used but did they really change my emotional state? What mechanisms have you chosen in the past? Do you use the same one for years, not ever questioning why? Food, acting inauthentically to our true selves, smoking, drinking, overspending, not having any faith in anything or anyone, gossipping, having sex, blindly going through life without questioning WHY? WHY AM I DOING THIS? Day by day stepping through all the same hoops, trying to be happy? Then New Years Eve comes and those DARN Resolutions.
What makes your heart ignite with passion? What makes you giggle with childlike joy? Over the last couple years I have really been deconstructing my automatic reflexes. Do I just do this because I always have? One thing I have realized, I am a lot happier when I Eat the food that makes my body thrive, I am a lot happier when I have a good dose of nature every day with exercise. I am a lot healthier when I stay on board with what I know supports my health.
I wish I could spend all my days hiking in the mountains of Southern Colorado and playing.
WAIT…..Oh My GOSH! YET, ANOTHER COPING MECHANISM? Avoidance? Sometimes but but a good one and healthy….I will keep this one!
I have gone head on with my emotional baggage and finally came to that place of forgiveness (myself and others). I am still trying to make my life AMAZING (which will be a forever journey but most days are). It’s my journey and I am WORTH IT! One of hardest parts of this journey has been discovering how I prioritize my hours, my days and eventually my life! The bottom line was I am first before anyone else with me and self care\self love. I learned this pretty quickly when I had to escape my diagnoses of MS in 2011 and a bad marriage. Katrina Toucke, my divine storm. I had always heard you can’t really love someone else unless you love yourself. Sounds good but WHAT DOES THAT MEAN and HOW DO I DO IT? Sadly it’s taken until now to learn it..but a lesson and forgiveness of the past.
In the last couple years, I have learned to prioritize what is important. Set boundaries, not getting distracted with people trying to change the way I feel I need to go. I have learned by setting 3 intentions EVERY DAY after meditating first thing in the morning, my days go much smoother . I have a plan. I feel great when I execute the plan. Sometimes I only get 2 of my intentions done, but ITS MY PLAN and MY DAY. I say YES to myself and know that I value myself enough to make my day AMAZING! It is so easy to get distracted by others, but when you hold onto your own boundaries, for your 3 intentions, it is also building self confidence in yourself and WOW, WHO KNEW? SELF LOVE? My message to myself is I AM WORTH IT. I AM WORTH holding my ground and feeling good about what I have accomplished, rather than letting others prioritize MY TIME and make my day, theirs. This I know may sound selfish, but truly it is not! If you can’t prioritize yourself in front of your relationships, your kids (furry or not), your job, will you really be THERE for them or just going through the motions? UH OH…there it is again….the automatic motions. Not really the authentic you is it?
My goal after the “divine storm and my wake up call in 2011-2016 Katrina Toucke, my divine storm, is to hold myself to the highest standard for ME. Not other peoples standards (which are usually not as high as my own). Sometime I slip up, sometimes I don’t achieve what I want every day, sometimes I feel like I fail and I just REALLY MUST SUCK, but I know I am trying NOW and then I have to forgive myself. Tomorrow is a new sunrise. A new start! I try everyday to EAT the best foods with my ceremony of blessing what I am eating, not mindlessly pushing it into my mouth. I eat what will help me be strong and heal my gut and that autoimmune disease that I was diagnosed with in 2011. I drink filtered water to stay hydrated and keep my gut/brain connection flowing in the right direction, take the supplements that our food (even the best organic) doesn’t have enough of, like the Omega 3s, which I have I have seen in my own healing, our brains need to function and re-grow (YES! REGROW as documented by Dr. Daniel Amen) Exercise, not only working my physical muscles but also my spiritual and emotional muscles. By doing this every day, I have so much more energy to give to others which is one of my ultimate passions. To help others have the most amazing life of their own. People say its ok to cheat with food, I hear it all the time “Go ahead it won’t kill ya”, and this I wondered about too, ultimately who am I cheating? MYSELF. Yes that is right, ME. I am saying your not really worth having integrity. Cheating with foods, no longer feels good, but they do feel like mini lessons for me to pay attention too. I also realized, when I would cheat it was often when LIFE WAS SO AMAZING, celebrate! This makes no sense, celebrate with something that is going to cause harm to my body? A big AHA for me was, I wondered did I really think I could sustain AMAZING or am I worth it? Its that uncomfortable feeling of growth and NOT being on autopilot anymore. That is a really hard and rough AHA moment for me. Wow, how sad. But now that I understand my weakness, I can overcome it.
As a Holistic Integrative Health Coach, I am not really different than anyone else with my lessons. I eventually learned from my lessons, and kept watching for my automatic reflexes or being on autopilot. I have now taken the time to deconstruct what worked and didn’t and why. It is a hard journey but so AMAZING when you get all the AHA’s about yourself. I don’t want to be that person I was last year. So for this reason I guess I will be rejoicing the NEW YEAR.
Happy New Year! I wish to you all, with sincere heartfelt love a wonderful start of the New YEAR. I am so grateful for all the lessons I have received, but even more importantly grateful, that I ACTUALLY PAID ATTENTION to them. I have been completely stressed with this new journey, with financial and health constraints, there are many diversions that make me wonder, am I right? Was I crazy for doing this all? But then I get a sign, YES, his is the right journey.
Humphrey, did you see the sign?
What is your true journey? Do you know yet? For years I didn’t have a clue. It was only after my crisis, did I figured it out, as I believe is right today. Today I am not using alcohol to cover the loneliness and sadness that living alone can bring, or living without authenticity always seemed to give me. Today I feel so much gratitude for all the angels that are on my journey with me, to help me move forward when I start to doubt myself. I am grateful for the angels that have entered my life with a helping hand to guide me on my daily unknown territory. Thank you all for the miracles and magically moments that we have shared. Today I am blessed to have this wonderful day and the health to enjoy it with Humphrey ,Gracie in our tiny house Tootling Tranquility. What a journey this has been 2018!
So what are your New Year’s Resolutions be? Will you commit to them or will they just be like last years? Will you embrace change which is HARD and takes COURAGE, or will you just remain on auto pilot?
The choice is yours, and yours ONLY. What will your feelings be about tonight, tomorrow? Will you wake up full of joy and passion or tired and hungover? DRINK a TON OF FILTERED Water no matter how you wake up. This is the ONE thing that you can do (1/2 your body weight in ounces of CLEAN unchlorinated water) that has the POWER to CHANGE YOUR HEALTH, and it’s EASY and YOU CAN DO THAT!
I can’t wait to see where 2019 brings you……please keep me posted. If you need help busting through your auto pilot mode, reach out to me and be sure to visit here www.NakedCoaching.life often for changes in products and offerings. Products to GAIN HEALTH not Weight.
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Love, peace and prosperity for all of us in 2019. Let’s Rock it together! Are you ready to wear your little black dress?
Katrina, Humphrey and Gracie